Sensitivity and Fragility

I remember when I first started hearing about fragility in terms of racism, it resonated deeply. I spent most of my life defensive and ashamed. Beginning to look at it has helped me greatly in moving forward with unpacking my unconscious bias. (For those who are unfamiliar, Robin DiAngelo wrote both an essay and a book about the lack of racial stamina that whites have.)

However as I begin to apply this concept to my life, it became more murky and confusing. When I cried, were those “white lady tears” (using emotion to avoid the conversation) or my own sensitivity and deep feeling, which I greatly value? When was my overwhelm my fragility, and when was it my sensitivity?

I began to see my own tell-tale signs of my fragility. Shame, guilt and defensiveness are familiar and easy go to’s. Moving past those into feeling the grief, and allowing myself to stay with my body has helped me tone my nervous system and create some resilience.

My sensitivity, however, helps me feel. It means that I need time alone to recharge, and crowds and noise can overwhelm. It means I may not need graphic images to help me feel and wake up to the atrocities that happen on the planet.

But what it doesn’t mean is that I can use it as a reason to not engage with what is happening to my fellow humans. I have done this in the past, but I am not willing to do this any longer. I may need to be creative about how I do this, but guess what? People of color are also sensitive. They do not get to turn away because they are “too sensitive”.

As Maya Angelou said, “No one of us can be free until everybody is free.”

I began to see how often certain healings can bring people into more fragility, rather than resilience. It can become about sheltering ourselves, not expanding ourselves so we can bring even more of ourselves into the world. I do not want to become so fragile my nervous system can’t be with the fullness of life.

I want my sensitivity to bring me more fully human. I want to use it to feel the fine tunings of my healing journey, and the ways my interactions can cause less harm. I want it to allow me more joy in my fullness of feeling. I want to use it to bring me into more acceptance and less resistance. More love, less fear. More expansion, less contraction.