blog
Learning to Stay
My old website had the words "You do not need to suffer in order to grow" across the front page. I very much believe them.
Discomfort, however, is often (always?) a part of growth. Our bodies, minds and souls carry rememberings that can resist expansion and tell us it's not safe. Growth can feel scary because of the unknown.
Wildness is a revolutionary act.
Civilized and polite behaviors are killing us.
Politeness keeps us locked into cultural norms. It has us behaving out of what is expected - agreed upon behaviors that often hide us and force us to deny our feelings. It keeps us locked in our heads and constricted within a larger idea of right and wrong.
Sensitivity and Fragility
I remember when I first started hearing about fragility in terms of racism, it resonated deeply. I spent most of my life defensive and ashamed. Beginning to look at it has helped me greatly in moving forward with unpacking my unconscious bias. (For those who are unfamiliar, Robin DiAngelo wrote both an essay and a book about the lack of racial stamina that whites have.)
Belonging from the inside out.
Belonging is a wound-y place for me. I’ve always felt a bit on the outside.
There are lots of reasons for it. And I’ve learned to have a lot of compassion for myself for it. But it also kept me slightly out of center. Because in order to belong, I’d give up a little part of myself. I’d sacrifice myself without even knowing I’d done it.
Anti-Racist work might make you tired
My last post invited white people in to look at your own racism work. I recognize that the majority of the people on my list are white.
I wanted to send another to tell a bit about my story to hopefully validate and cheer you on (wherever you are at).
Black Bodies are Beloved*
Last week in Minneapolis yet another black man, George Floyd, was killed by a police officer.
One of the basic tenets in Buddhism is do no harm.
For those of us in white bodies, doing no harm means not turning away from what is happening.
Jennifer who?
I was born as Jennifer Baldwin, and became Jennifer Dopierala when I married. Neither name was mine, really. I am someone who has had both micro and macro rebirths in this life. And since my divorce, I haven’t wanted to keep my married name, nor have I wanted to go back to my father’s name.
When you meet the Buddha
There is an old zen koan, a paradoxical riddle to move out of the logical brain and invoke enlightenment. When you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. And I'm kind of loving it right now.
Why am I not healing?
Oh friends. This one is a doozy of a question, and one that I’ve both been asked and asked myself. And the answer isn’t simple. There are many different directions I could have take this post, but this is what’s up for me. So here you go.
Who are we without our stories?
So if we aren't our stories, who are we? As I mentioned last week, we are here, in the present, as a result of our collected experiences. They have influenced us, and it is easy to see them as the only truth of our existence.
When our stories become alibis
We define ourselves by our stories. We tell them, often in the same way, over and over again. We talk about our childhoods and traumas from a fixed perspective. We have our stories of triumph, our stories of pain, and we speak about them as if they make up the fabric of our being. Which, on one hand, they do. We are here in this moment because of choices in the past.
No Exit
It feels terrifying, right?! The idea that there's no escape away from what feels hard or painful. Let's face it, we all have our ways of escape. For some, it's using a substance like alcohol, drugs or even food. For others, it might be watching television or reading. I even see it within spirituality, using self reflection as an aggressive tool to get away from what is happening.
It’s the Dirt that’s Dirty
This was my first time living in India. It was a typical story of going to study yoga, philosophy and sanskrit. I was like a dry sponge, soaking up everything I could. I felt thirsty for anything that might bring me closer to God, and I was searching for the answers everywhere else but myself. At the time I was looking for ways to make myself better. Growth was synonymous with criticism.
Releasing Fear in the Kidneys
I recently fell down the health rabbit hole. Perhaps you’re familiar with it. I got an intuitive hit that I needed to start taking wheatgrass again, which reminded me of Ann Wigmore, Wheatgrass Queen. If you haven’t heard of her, she’s pretty worth googling.
Affirming Life
I am a deep feeler. Meaning, my emotions come and I feel them in my entire being. They need to be seen and acknowledged before they can pass. They require attention. They give me information about beliefs I hold, boundaries that need to be set, insecurities I have, and where my priorities lie.
Receiving as practice
For so many of us empaths or pleasers, giving can be much easier than receiving. “It is more noble to give than to receive,” we think. Receiving can be incredibly uncomfortable, especially if we are used to caring for others. There are so many layers and reasons for this:
Who are we "helping”?
We encounter a friend/loved one who is struggling. How we respond is everything. Our desire to be helpful can be one of the greatest gifts we have as humans. Raising two children, I believe our compulsion starts at a very young age. It is a basic need to be useful and have purpose in our lives. We feel compassion for others when they struggle, and we want to ease their suffering. There is something so simple yet profoundly powerful about this. It’s one of the best things about being human.
Empaths in relationship
You know what I’m going to tell you.You’ve heard it before. If you’re an empath in a relationship - whether a friendship, a partnership, a romantic relationship, a familial relationship; I offer to you a reminder, a most compassionate and gentle reminder to put your own oxygen mask on first, even if just a few moments ahead of assisting someone else with theirs.
Chasing the mystical
The mystical offers us the chance to see that life is so much more than what we can see and touch. It gives us a glimpse behind the veil; an opportunity to feel how vast and how interconnected we actually are. We touch in on our own capacity for joy and wonder. We see the world from a different perspective and we know we're ok within it.