Receiving as practice
For so many of us empaths or pleasers, giving can be much easier than receiving. “It is more noble to give than to receive,” we think. Receiving can be incredibly uncomfortable, especially if we are used to caring for others. There are so many layers and reasons for this:
We have beliefs around worthiness that can often arise in receiving. It can bring a vague sense of guilt, as if we now “owe” the other person.
If we are wrapped up in pleasing the other, receiving can be quite challenging. Culturally, we just don’t look as good when we are receiving.
Seeing the global picture can also bring a sense of guilt. If everyone can’t have it, why should I?
When we give, we feel in power and control. Receiving is very vulnerable.
It’s easier to stay small and hide when we give. Receiving requires us to be seen.
This brings me back to my previous post about “helping”, and our motivations behind giving. If we are giving to look or feel good, then it is highly likely receiving will be a small form of torture.
Dig in a bit: what are some of the beliefs that come up when you are receiving? For me, I was told constantly in a previous relationship that I was selfish, as a way for the other person to be able to receive. The reality was that I was the giver and he the taker, but if I set a boundary, I was told I was being selfish. This made me feel guilty, and the cycle continued. Although I am no longer in the relationship, for a long while it would bring up some discomfort when I did receive.
Looking at the beliefs I was carrying, I now see receiving as a practice. As a giver, it feels like I am able to do something for someone. I love the feeling of offering something that a dear friend needs, thinking about that person and showing I care through action. I try to keep this in mind when I’m receiving, and think of it as an act of generosity to allow another to do something kind for me.
Giving with an open heart, shedding the layers of pleasing, means you are more likely to be able to receive with an open heart.
So when something is offered to me, I say thank you. I say, I don't know how to express how much this means to me. I take a moment, and open my cells and allow myself to receive, rather than resist.
“The parched earth can’t let in a life-giving rain if it is covered by plastic tarp… Without the capacity to be touched by caring and appreciation, we render these gifts less meaningful. Sacred receiving, letting things in with heartfelt gratitude, is a gift to the giver! When we are visibly moved, it conveys that they’ve made a difference in our lives. We may then bask together in a non- dual moment in which there is no distinction between the giver and the receiver. Both people are giving and receiving in their own unique ways. This shared experience can be profoundly sacred and intimate—a moment of delectable grace.” John Amodeo
